My First Look...

It was one year ago today, November 6, 2006, that I revisited a waiting child list to see if a little girl, the agency called "Maizie" had been matched. I had visited this waiting child list the day before through a series of "mistakes". I had talked to Rodney about the possibility of pursuing a special needs adoption, but was still just trying to educate myself on what "Special Needs" actually entailed. From an adoption yahoo group, I had read a post regarding a new list of children with special needs. I went back to find the post to go take a peek at the children....I couldn't find it. So I did a search on the yahoo group, found a post that I "thought" was the one I had read a few days prior, contacted the author of the post and asked for the info to view the list. Being a bit confused, she responded to my post with the waiting child list address and password. In reading her message, I discovered that the post that I had read, mistakenly thinking it was the one I read before, was dated February of 2004. Apologizing for my absent mindedness, I decided to go ahead and visit this list.

I took a peek at several of the children on the list. One little girl that I just thought had the sweetest little face. She had a repaired cleft lip and was standing with a little pair of "jellies" on her feet. The next morning, a year ago today, I got up to see if she had been matched. I opened the list and checked her status. Then I noticed just below her name was a name that I had not noticed before. "Novie", the name reminded me of my grandmother and aunt...Tavie and Wavie, I know, funny names :-) But there aren't alot of names ending in "vie", and that is what I thought of. So I clicked on her name.

The file opened with a picture of a little girl, whose cleft lip was unrepaired but was almost unnoticeable because her eyes captivated me. My heart leaped. I felt excited and nauseated in the same moment. What was I feeling? Why was I getting so emotional? For the remainder of the day, I couldn't stop thinking of her. I kept going back to the site to "check" on her. As the day went on, I kept thinking "This is her, this is my daughter."

The first picture of Hai Zhi Yi, "Novie"

I couldn't mention her to Rodney. I was nervous. What was I going to say? That night I went to bed, with "Novie" on my mind and heavy on my heart. I laid there and prayed that if this was the child that God had laid on my heart, that He was let me know, undoubtedly and if not, then take the burden of this child off my mind and heart. I went to sleep.

The next morning, I opened my eyes, "Novie". I ran upstairs and looked at her picture yet again. I knew she was mine. I showed Rodney her picture, explained my feelings and the fact that I believed this was the child that God had for our family.

A chain of events and 7 months later, we met this little girl, "Novie", aka Hai Zhi Yi, aka Anna Mei Yi Gross, my daughter. I cannot imagine our lives without this little girl. I know that this is the child that God burdened me with a year before I ever saw her.

So as I go to her room this morning, pick her up from her bed, change her diaper and give her kisses, and start another very busy day, I know that I am a blessed woman.

I've been looking at your face for 1 year today...You just get prettier everyday!

So incredibly happy to be where I am, ecstatic for Anna to be where she is and sending love from Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker and Anna.