An Emotional Day...

First, I want to thank everyone for the e-mail messages. I don't get to respond to all of them, but we are loving them. I read them aloud to Rodney and it makes us feel so much more connected to home, which is incredibly nice!

I woke up Friday morning very early. We are not adjusted to the time as well as we originally thought we were. But we are napping with Anna, so I really don't mind if we don't fully adjust. Maybe it will make the transition back home easier....I hope. Anna is sleeping all through the night. It takes her a while to go down, but then, out like a light. She sleeps very peaceful.

Rodney and I started getting ready for the day and Anna got up around 6 am. She opened her eyes, no crying, no whining. She was ready to play for a minute and then ready for her bottle. She is eating so good compared to the first couple of days. She doesn't want to hold her bottle. Rodney says that she is already spoiled to me feeding her. But honestly, I don't remember her really trying to hold her bottle. She would pull it away from her mouth, but she was never really active in her feedings in the beginning either. I contribute part of that to her small size. I honestly don't think she ate much.

We all were ready, after a small bath scene. The easy bath on the first day has not been repeated since. She cries now. She is fine as soon as I get her out, but she gets mad. We went downstairs for breakfast. I had my usual, fried rice, fried noodles, oranges, and a slice of bread...yes, I am a nutrition nut (ha ha ha). Rodney had watermelon, oranges, boiled eggs (grossing me out!), fried onion cakes, curry dumplings, and oranges. He makes me about sick at breakfast with his combinations!

We hurried through breakfast because we were leaving for the orphanage visit. Our guide, Connie, arrived, helped us get our things loaded and we were off. The drive to Foshan Nanhai Social Welfare Institute took about 45 minutes. We enjoyed the drive. Getting to see new things and to see how far Guangzhou goes. It is huge. Buildings on top of buildings. Huge bridges. Traffic. Construction. It was amazing. One thing that really sticks out to me is the trees and landscaping. Even though some of the places are very cramped, there are trees - everywhere. In the median of the road there is shrubbery and flowers. Below bridges there are huge designs made with different shades of green shrubs and grasses. And they are all manicured. It is odd to see these huge buildings piled on top of one another, people, bicycles, cars, trucks everywhere and then a huge, old trees probably pushing 100 years or more. It really is a sight.

This bridge stretched as far as you could see

We were on a large highway and Foshan Nanhai, SWI was pointed out to us. I recognized it from pictures I had seen in the past with the huge red Chinese characters on top of the roof. My stomach started turning. I was so nervous. I didn't know how Anna would do. But I felt that this was so important for her later on. We had already agreed that if she acted uncomfortable or getting upset, one of us would leave with her. Although we both wanted to see, it wasn't worth losing the ground we had made with Anna.

Foshan Nanhai SWI with the red roof and large sign on top of the roof

We drove past the front gate entrance and drove down by the iron and brick fence surrounding the complex. We saw the apartment type buildings that housed the "old peoples". It was like a small retirement community/nursing home. We got nearly to the end of the fence and pulled into a small drive and up to a door. This was the entrance to the orphanage. We were greeted by the Assistant Director, the lady that brought Anna to the Civil Affairs on Monday to meet us. It was clean inside and warm. We were pointed to a room where children with physical disabilities were given physical therapy. We were told that there was "professional doctors" that would help the children.

Next, we were taken upstairs to Ms. Tang's office, the Orphanage Director. She was on the phone and greeted us with a wave. She motioned for us to sit. Anna was flip flopping in my arms, as she does not like small rooms or to get hot. It was a small room and very hot. A young girl, probably my age, but looked so young, came into the room and spoke some words to our guide. When she left, Connie told us that it was a tradition at this orphanage to fix returning babies a bottle of their formula and congee. The young lady returned with a bottle. Anna would have nothing to do with it. She began to fuss. Our guide and the director began speaking and trying to get her to take the bottle, again she refused. She was getting really hot now and I was getting nervous. I turned her around got the bottle that we brought and she began to drink. They said something, don't know what and put the bottle down.

The director told our guide she was sorry she was so busy, but they had just gotten a new baby with "mental problems". The Assistant was going to take us on our tour. Connie said that since Anna didn't want the bottle, we could go ahead.

She lead us down a hallway and we stood outside the doors of the observation room, infant room and the food preparation room. The observation room is where children are kept that have just come into the orphanage. It is like a quarantine area to keep the children separate until they have been checked out okay to join the other children. The infant room was obviously the room for babies under 5 months. We could only see a small little head through the screened door. The food prep room had a sink area and multiple rice cookers. We were told that the babies got a different flavor of congee everyday. Beef, chicken, fish mixed with their formula.

We were in a hallway with all the rooms to our left and to the right was a screened area looking outside. We could see a river from the windows, but there wasn't a breeze to be felt. It was so hot. Anna held on like the little spider monkey that she is, turning from side to side looking around. We walked into the play area for the babies Anna's age. There was a little girl walking around with a pink ball. A nanny was playing with her in the play area. She seemed so happy and incredibly cute. We were told that she was a special need because she is so small. No physical disabilities, nothing shown up on her "brain test", just small. She watched Anna and myself. She would look and smile. I don't know if she thought I looked different, aka funny, or if she was just wanting the attention I was giving her. I could have scooped her up and brought her home too.

The nannies tried to touch Anna and talk to her, but she would turn her head and pull away. Which made me feel good, but also made me wonder. She acted as though she had never seen any of them before. We stood right outside the room where Anna was kept. I could see a familiar face standing up in a crib and I was anxious to go inside.

Anna's former crib

We were lead to the room and shown the crib where Anna slept. We were given the name tag from her bed for a "souvenir". I didn't know how close I was allowed to get to the babies but I was ready to go see the sweethearts. I scanned the room looking for another baby that I was familiar with. I seen her sitting in her crib with another baby. She was so sweet. I approached the bed and rubbed her foot. She looked at me questioning my intentions. I rubbed her chubby little leg and then her hand. She pulled her hand away and I returned to her foot. I told Connie to tell the nannies that I knew her mommy and she would be called Annabelle. The guides all laughed and liked that I knew she was going to a home. She finally let me rub her hand and arm, then her face. I whispered to her that her momma was coming soon and loved her very much. All the other babies were looking my way and I felt pulled to each one.

As I stood in the room, my heart was breaking. I was biting my lip trying so hard not to let out that first tear. My chest was so heavy for these babies. If I started, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. As I walked from crib to crib, touching each one, telling them that they are loved I prayed for God to save them. They are being taken care of, yes, they are being clothed, fed, changed, but Oh God...they need a mother. Someone to love them as their own, to have dreams for them, a home for them...there are so many, in so many places around the world. How it must grieve God.




There was one baby in the back corner that just watched me, everywhere I would I go. I approached the baby...I don't know if it was a boy or girl, I'll say he. I rubbed his face and he just smiled. He had the cutest little teeth and a chubby little face. The more I rubbed his face, the more he would grin. Finally, he let out a laugh that was so sweet. He grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go. He kept pulling me to him. How can you pull away from a motherless child? I stayed at his crib for a long time playing with him...but there were so many more I wanted to show attention. I gave him a final touch and hugged his little body and moved to the next crib.

The other baby that I recognized was standing the entire time we were there. She was very attentive to everything that I done. She would smile at me when I would just look at her. She was very soft and sweet and didn't make any noises, but was very responsive to my touch. I took many pictures of these two babies to send back to their families waiting for travel.

While I am traveling from crib to crib, Anna is not making any sounds, just holding on to me. Looking around and seeming very content to be there. She didn't act nervous or upset, but she didn't want me to let go of her. My back was wet and I could feel sweat running down the sides of my face. It was so hot in there. As I was walking around the room, the nannies started bringing in bottles to the babies and it was sweet to watch them eat. They would lay on their backs and hold their bottles at the bottom pushing it against their faces. I could have stayed for hours playing and giving attention to these children. They were all so sweet and I pray that somewhere that are mothers out there looking for all of these children. I will never forget their faces.

We left the room and walked back to Ms. Tang's office. There I met another family that had just received their son on Monday as well. They were there to tour the orphanage. Rodney and the mother had their pictures made together with Anna and Micah, their son. I was talking to the director and our guide about another child. I had an incredible experience in her office that I will share later.

Ms. Tang and Anna reaching for her Momma :-)

I do believe that the children are taken care of there. It is not ideal, but much better than other orphanages that I have read about. I am thankful that Anna was cared for until we arrived. But nothing can replace a family. No matter how good or how well equipped, how well staffed an orphanage can be, nothing is better than a family.

Rodney, Anna and myself got into the van while the driver and Connie got some directions to our next destination. I began to cry inside and have cried many times since. I pray God sends a burden to people for these children. I would have brought them all home if I could. As we drove away, we told Anna to say "Goodbye", and that she would never have to come back again.

We were headed to the Yuban Hospital Clinic. The abandonment spot where Anna was found. It took about 20 minutes to get there. We got out of the vehicle and it was sooo crowded outside the hospital. We walked through the gates and up to the front entrance.

Once inside, we turned to the right and down a small hallway. The hall was filled, on both sides of people holding children receiving IV treatment of some type. They were all watching us, wondering, I'm sure. We were taken right outside of the injection room, which is where her papers state that she was found. There were so many people there, I can see how someone could slip in and out without being noticed.

I had such mixed emotions there. I was so happy to see how crowded it was there. I wanted Anna to see and know when she is older that her birth mother took her to a place where she knew someone would find her. She couldn't have been there long at all before her cries would have been noticed. Plus, she took her to a hospital where she could recieve medical treatment. I am sure that having a cleft baby would be frightening, especially if you were young or it was your first child. But, then I was extremely sad as well. This was the hallway that her birthmother walked. The pain and emotion that she had to be feeling to walk her newborn baby, with a birth note pinned to her clothing, knowing what she felt she had to do, down a hallway, laying down her baby, and turning to walk away. I cannot imagine.

I think that many people get a feeling of hostility towards the Chinese people regarding the many children abandoned. But once you are here, holding one of these children, your not hostile at all. You are thankful that they gave their child a chance. There were other options Anna's birthmother could have taken that no one would have ever known of her existance. But, she didn't. And because of her, we have a beautiful daughter and I will forever be grateful to her memory.

We left the hospital and Connie told me that Foshan was very famous for it's porceline artists. She is going to take me to a porceline house later on to purchase something for Anna that was done in Foshan. We arrived back at the hotel and put Anna down for a nap. She is such a precious gift and we are so thankful for being able to be a part of her life and for her to be such a big part of ours.

Boys,

You would have loved all the things that we seen today. Huge buildings and bridges, cars and trucks everywhere on this huge highway and then a man on a bicycle riding right along side cars. It was funny to see. There was also this tiny truck that we were coming upon and I pointed it out to daddy. When we passed and looked back at it, it was a motor tricycle with a small truck on it. It was really funny too. We may be coming home with a stuffed peacock if it doesn't hush! We also seen that there is an emu inside that cage too. We could see it's head sticking up over the edging. We love you all very much - 6 days and counting!!!!

So blessed by my experiences here and sending love to my Parker, Jacob and Carter.